just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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