I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
