Pappa wants mamma naked
from now on my penis is your penis
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
