I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Randomize
