I think i peed on brittanys purse
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
try to milk me bitch
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