k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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