I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
