my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I am one with the molecules
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
