Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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