At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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