The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
