So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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