and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
