pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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