The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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