I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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