No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
