I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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