i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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