Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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