go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
