the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
