I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
