I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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