My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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