barbara walters just said penis...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
