im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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