Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I wish I only lived at night.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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