ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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