I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
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