We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
