Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
