Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
