You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
