Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
