How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
