Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize