I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
