If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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