Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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