sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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