he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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