just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Bang-toberfest begins!!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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