I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'm really busy with my period
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