Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
