So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
