fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
