I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
