Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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