please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
