but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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