FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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