I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
