he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Come share oat with me in your robe
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
