in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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