What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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