Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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