I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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