So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
