Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
