I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize