We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
