i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
