Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
