He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
its liver damage thursday
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
