i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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