Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
