Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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