You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
