he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
you inspire me to be a worse person
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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