I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
