Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
