We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize