My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
