I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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