...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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