I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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