I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
