I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
