We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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