I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
