she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
