i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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