Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
