Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
