the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You were trust falling into bushes
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
