AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
