i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
