How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
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