I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
