so that wasnt chicken after all
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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