and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
