You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
