I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
