Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
