Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
