So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
