roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
