If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
